How The Era of Your Home Can Make All the Difference In Keeping Your Top Secret Base TOP SECRET

I am always on the look out for the perfect home to sit on top of my TOP SECRET UNDERGROUND BASE.  I think the era of the home is an important aspect of this.  Most of the villains on the television and mainstream media tend to have their secret bases under extravagant manors, under modern dwellings, in dangerous volcanoes or in the center of lakes.  Don’t be fooled by this!  Most of these locations are too obvious and will be a dead giveaway to your enemies.  While on vacation last summer I found the perfect house that maybe you could place on top of your secret base.  Who knows, maybe you will be interested in claiming this one?

Notice how innocent a house like this looks.  No one would ever suspect this modest dwelling

There is something charming about older homes.  They have a modest demeanor that few would suspect of anything evil or suspicious.  No one would guess that charming old man in the foreground was a mad genius, would they?  Well, this one isn’t, but that that’s the point I’m trying to make.  No one would suspect this house.

Even Batman, the great detective himself, would be fooled by this mess.  I mean, what mad scientist would have a mess in his kitchen?  Most of us don’t have time to sit around and cook a meal, and usually settle for take out or TV dinners.

This house even appears to come complete with henchmen in the front corridor trained to act casual as a diversion.

No one would guess that the stove is actually a generator powerful enough to ignite the whole county on fire, and maybe the next one.

Also, that  teapot is probably full of toxic acid that will one day become the next great superhero origin story.  Someone better dispose of that stuff, posthaste!

Who can find all of your high tech, sciency things- or any of your secret passage ways, for that matter, when you keep your house covered in splendid knick-knacks?

Just lovely!

The scale is the perfect throw off.  Most of us are so sickeningly thin, no one would suspect this bathroom to belong to one of us!

You cannot have too many cover  up hobbies in your home.

Of course, a shed under which to put your secret getaway fire exit is definitely a plus.

I hope that this post proved informational to any of your insane folks currently house hunting!

Getting a Little Too Close to Doctor Lunchbox

Today I was sitting at my computer at 2:25AM and I suddenly felt a strong, compulsive desire to talk about myself. So I am posting this here, right now, in an attempt to tell you more about my life. Yes, I know what you are thinking. There is probably not much for me to tell you.

No, there is plenty for me to tell you. You see, a mad genius such as myself has more to their life than foiling the plans of do-gooders and setting fire to road signs.  I mean most good villains have origin stories, right?  I mean, good origin stories are what set Marvel apart from DC.  I enjoy both of them, but come on, you have to admit Marvel has more developed characters.  Anyways, I digress.

On that note, I was not always Doctor Lunchbox.  As hard as it is to believe Doctor Lunchbox is not my real name.  I know, crazy right?  You probably thought my parents were a couple of nutters and they wrote that on my birth certificate!  Nope, I adopted that name later on.  I was birthed with the name Alysia Viscanti.  Not a bad name, but also not very threatening.  I’d like to see you try and use that name to strike fear in the the hearts of men!  Evilness however does not just appear!  No, it was inspired by a childhood of trauma and misfortune.  I had to practice my flute every day, do my homework promptly, and I was not allowed to watch Rugrats on television!  Oh- but if that was not enough…!  My parents had me slaving away doing dishes after supper, taking out bathroom trash, and brushing my teeth several times a day instead of just before bed!  My tale of woe- DID YOU BEHOLD IT?

I am going to sidetrack here to talk about how lame I was in High School.  Trust me, this will be relevant later.  You see, when I was but a young teenager I needed simpleminded internet-based activity to pass the time.  As such, I often found myself floating around on Gaia Online.  OK, in my defense, it wasn’t as strange or confusing looking back in 2003.  Although I don’t quite know what I was thinking then, back in the old days I was really into online role playing. Yes, yes, I know I was a dork.  Don’t worry, it’s not like I spend my Friday afternoons playing Dungeons and Dragons currently.  It’s not like I’m a 97 year old male chaotic neutral druid with a pigeon.  No, I no longer live that life.  During my Gaia days though, boy was I really into it.  I even appeared in their online comic once.  Ok Ok Ok… if you insist, I’ll show you:

Yes.  That’s me on the left.  There are a few things you need to know about this picture that I consider highly relevant:

  1. We all clearly have a horrible taste in dress.  Although at least my character (Forbidden Toast) and Indisposed (3rd on the right) have the whole more comical outfit / no pants trend going on.
  2. You don’t need to worry about the arrow covering the guy on my right, because he was an asshat anyways (in case you were wondering, this is the emoticon for asshat:  <:B )
  3. Yes, the plot of this comic is as emo as the image implies.
What I’m trying to get at is that during this role play I created an additional character named Paranoid Onion.  It is this piece of information that is significant.  Everything else is just trivia at this point.    During our role-play, I left my double Paranoid Onion in a room where our group often had secret meetings with the NPC alien spacecraft, and I got distracted and went away from my keyboard (or in internet lingo- AFK).  Also, it seemed that the UFOs did not actually disappear when they left the room, leading to this screenshot to being taken:
Being a bunch of simple-minded teenagers, we thought this was hilarious.  Yes, I know, I promised this whole story would have relevance.  I am going to move on now in hope that you will understand that relevance shortly.

So my childhood passed by miserably, of course- and it was not until college until I found my one true calling.  HA- just kidding!  Not everyone goes through their whole life knowing what they want to do!  Anyone who says you cannot learn something well unless you’ve been practicing it since the uterus is a bold-faced liar!  Nope.  I spent two years in the design program!  It was rough, but I learned a lot of great skills that I carried with me later.  I had taken some art classes in High School and I knew I wanted to do something more creative, but I wasn’t quite sure what yet.  My primitive human brain being what it was, I thought “Design is a much safer bet than art, I will try that!”.  Word to the wise, your mind tends to play tricks on you and freshmen are not nearly as bright as they think they are.  It took me three years to realize that if I bought my textbooks on Amazon I could sell them back to the bookstore for a profit!  And what good did it do me then- I was now in all studio classes without required textbooks!  The tragedy!  LAMENT.  It was not until I met my best friend Sicily Marino (soon to become my evil ally, Doctor Howdy Pilgrum- although she will not admit this identity openly) that I realized I was just beating around the bush the whole time and I really just subconsciously wanted to be an art student.  Sheesh, your mind sure does play funny tricks on you!  Although I was currently occupying a lot of my time between classes and my job as a Community Assistant for ASU Housing, it was not long until I started the club Paranoid Onion with some of my close art friends (including the nefarious Doctor Mustard, who I will blog about frequently).  Haha!  You thought I was never going to tie in the story earlier, did you?  Well, you thought wrong.

To tell the truth, even though I felt I was now too old for Gaia Online, I was still partially attached to my Paranoid Onion username.  I liked the sound of it, and it seemed like a good name for our art club.  We decided there were not any good clubs on campus that involved art in the entertainment media, and Sicily and I were more into western cartoons than Anime, which seemed to be the only close club to it.  Of course, our art focus was only to mask the truth that we were secretly a bunch of mad scientists that had formed a conglomeration comparable to the Legion of Doom or The Evil League of Evil or Every Villain Is Lemons.  But yes, we also do art.  Why mad scientists, you ask?  I conveniently did a comic recently about that exact idea:

To be perfectly honest, we just liked the contrast of scientist/artist, and wanted to adapt a solid advertising strategy- create a name that is so unique the name alone attracts attention!  And getting to be mad scientists… a plus!  Doctor Lunchbox became my evil identity, roughly based off my old Paranoid Onion character I used online.  Needless to say, when you get really attached to a character you create it becomes a reflection of yourself.

That worked well for a year.  We made a mock training video for our evil organization, did lots of artwork, and even tabled at Phoenix Comic Con!  And with moderate success!  I also started drawing comics for the ASU State Press in Spring 2012.  All of which you can read on their website.  Gives me lots of time to practice drawing.  My current comic is called Rocket Science, and you should really give it a good read!

I’ve been going on way too long so I’m going to wrap this up with things that currently inspire me, and stuff I have been really into recently.

As I mentioned earlier, I love comics (totally didn’t mention that earlier).  I’m a huge fan of Doug TenNaple‘s work (an indie graphic novel illustrator and writer), and I love reading golden age superhero comics.  I’m particularly fond of X-Men and Batman.  Scarecrow is my favorite Batman villain, and I always like to pretend I’m him when I go to Starbucks.  There is nothing that makes someones day at work than you giving them a ridiculous name!  One day I really hope I get the time to write and illustrate graphic novels as a side-job.  What I really want to do though is work for an animation or video game company!  I prefer companies that have more of a family atmosphere, since I love being around people so much!  As far as inspiration from animation my favorite animation director of all time is Brad Bird.  He directed the Iron Giant and The Incredibles, and I think he’s tops!  I’m also inspired heavily by Tim Schafer, the video game genius behind Psychonauts and Grim Fandango.  Other people that influence me are Roald Dahl, Dr. Seuss and Lemony Snicket.

I also really like pigeons.  I think they are majestic.